Wow! I can’t believe this is the 10th post of our series. It’s been such a fun ride and I want to personally take time out to thank you guys for reading and contributing to our fun experiment. Girltalk is one of my favorite things to write about on the blog and getting to collaborate with some of my best girls and bring great content to you is what I live for. I especially want to take a quick second to thank those of you who contributed questions to enter our giveaway. It’s so important for us to get feedback and hear directly from you what types of content you want to see more of! We will be announcing the winner of our giveaway soon!
We got so many great questions in and we decided to really dive deep into those questions and dedicate a post to each of the topics presented. This week, we are talking about the dreaded art of arguing. This week, we decided to do something a little different, on my blog you will read the first part to a 3 part post. Here you can read what we do to deal with fights before they happen – then head over to Lauren’s to read about what we’ve learned from years of fighting with our SOs and finally, finish up at Mae’s blog to read about the most important thing of all, post fights and how to avoid them in the future.
When you feel a fight coming on …
Sabrina: Like a cold, you have to take care of it before it becomes full-fledged. When things are bothering one of you, you need to tackle it head on – no matter how much you dread having that conversation. One thing that used to drive me crazy about Sahir is that when he knew I was upset about something, sometimes he would just try to ignore it and hope it goes away… Uh, no way buddy. It just made me angrier! Now, I try to share how I’m feeling as it happens. One thing I’ve learned is to try to avoid using the word “mad”. It sounds silly, but by eliminating that word from your vocabulary it forces you to describe how you feel in other ways. It made me _____ when you did/said/ate _______. Insert: sad, disappointed, stressed, uncomfortable, etc. We swear by this method, so give it a shot the next time you feel something bubbling below the surface.
Mae: Thankfully, Nick and I have both realized that while we’ll disagree for sure, we don’t always have to make an event about every little disagreement. We usually both have enough sense to tell when a fight is coming on and what we do in those moments determines if it will turn into a full on fight or just remain a minor disagreement. When we start feeling a fight coming on, we both try to keep a level head. One of us will grab the other’s hand and say something to the extent of “look, I know this feels important right now but please remember that I’m madly in love with you and you’re madly in love with me and in a few hours we’ll be cracking up together again.” Most of the time, that’s enough to just eliminate the argument all together and sometimes we still have to talk things out, but it always helps us remember that this fight is temporary and we’ll be best friends later.
One note about this method if you try it…it only really works if you didn’t commit a great offense against the other. For instance, if Nick throws away an important piece of paper that I need to get my work done (this is a real life scenario, guys), it doesn’t really work for him to be like, “wait, wait, wait…we’re friends.” Because I’d be ready to pounce on him. And not in a playful and cute way.
Lauren: I wish I had a more profound answer to this question…but to be honest, I’m working on this part of my relationship with Brandon even as I type this. A little over a year in, we’re starting to get in that super comfortable place which has it’s ups and downs. For the most part, it’s amazing and fun and passionate and silly. But like in all relationships, sometimes we disagree. Big time. My mom is quite possibly the calmest, most laid back person I know. I did not get that trait. I am super sensitive and emotional and seriously struggle with letting things go. So to be honest, most of our “fights” stem from me pushing a disagreement into a bigger conversation. Now, I’m not saying it is always my fault – hello, #FashionablyBae is not perfect. But, I definitely think I take on most of the responsibility. So I don’t have a ton of experience or advice for how to approach a brewing fight other than this: don’t fight. That does not mean don’t express your feelings or let him/her walk all over you. What I’ve learned and am hoping to put into practice from this point on is taking a breath and approaching the conflict after some time has passed (like a few hours). And then hopefully, I have calmed down enough and gotten out of my head enough to say, “Hey babe, it upset me when ____ because ____. Maybe next time we _____”. I’ll let y’all know how it goes but fingers crossed this helps us not even get to that “fighting” point – and by the way, he has to agree to do the same!
Thanks so much for reading this section of the post, head over to Lauren’s blog to hear my go-to-ironclad-never-break rules on what to never do when you have a fight.