Per our reader survey earlier in the year, we asked what topics YOU guys wanted to learn more about. We were surprised when the topic of “sacrifices” came up quite a few times. The question of the day – What makes you happier in a relationship: Making sacrifices to make the other person happier OR sharing? Today on each of our blogs, Lauren, Mae & I are sharing what works (and doesn’t work) when it comes to the taking on sacrifice in our relationships. Read on to see my opinions on sacrifice and what you should be “aiming” for — and then hop over to Lauren‘s blogs to read my story about the time period when Sahir and I were long distance (yes, true story!) and then Mae‘s blog to see what stresses me out the most about being in a relationship.
One of the most important things I’ve learned about being in a serious relationship is that there will never truly be a balance. There are bound to be times where one person feels more of the pressure. Whether that means taking more responsibility in the home, the relationship, or even in supporting yourself — balance is arbitrary. The key is to be honest about your limits and what you can handle. You partner is there to support you and help make life easier, not more difficult. If you find yourself in a position where that doesn’t seem to be the case it may be time to have an honest conversation about your needs and if they are being met, mentally and emotionally. I never try to find “balance”, but I make sure that I am happy with the amount that I sacrifice and the amount that I share.
To be completely candid, it took Brandon & some time to find balance in the giving and taking that comes with any relationship. There were times that B felt he was giving more than I was and vice versa. And same went for the smaller sacrifices we were making (like splitting time at my house vs.his). But I think we’ve finally stopped “keeping count” and the balance just sort of worked itself out. There will always be times when it seems like one person is making all of the sacrifices. But if you’ve got a good partner, it will even itself out…I promise! And if it doesn’t, you just have to have an honest conversation with that person. It’s natural that we get set in our way and a good relationship (at least in my eyes) challenges you to break away from that and start to put that other person first – whether it’s giving time or gifts or making a sacrifice.
Finding balance between sacrifice and giving can be very difficult in a relationship, especially if you and your boo speak different love languages. For me, one of the best ways for Nick to show me he loves me is to give me his time and effort. I’m a doer and I don’t feel satisfied to just sit around and relax. I have to be doing something. I drive him bananas because on Saturday at 7 am, I’m ready to go! I have to consciously step away from the bed (like, don’t jump on him and tell him to wake up) and occupy myself so he can sleep. He’s learned to speak my love language, though, so he’ll carve out time to help me with stuff – blog photos, a home project, budgeting, etc. In the same vein, Nick very much requires time of me, too. However, the type of time he loves is chill time. His favorite thing in the world is to just unwind with me. He’s always trying to get me to relax and it is so hard for me. Nick and I spend almost all of our free time together, so it’s important that we keep a balance and give of ourselves in a way that benefits both of us. One solution we have found for this is to go for daily walks. This ticks all the boxes. It definitely feels like chill time for Nick because we just walk and talk and it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. No time wasted. Everyone is happy.
What do you think? Are you finding that you are the one constantly sacrificing or does your relationship seem to reach more of an equilibrium? You can always catch the other 12 volumes of #REALationshipsGoals here and leave a comment below or shoot me a tweet/Instagram comment with a suggestion for next week’s post. We are ALWAYS looking for new topics to share with you guys!