When you’ve been with your partner for a while, sometimes it can seem like you have nothing to talk about. Maybe you’ve been together for a few years, maybe you are married, or maybe you are high-school sweethearts who have been together for over 12 years (hello!) Unintentionally, your meal times can be degraded to sitting side by side and watching endless reruns of New Girl until one or both of you pick up your phones and start multitasking or working. Don’t get me wrong, this is completely normal. In fact, sometimes it’s preferred! At times, after a long day at work, all you want to do is sit next to your partner, order takeout, and watch your favorite episodes of an old show that you can just laugh at that! After work I only watch shows that don’t require any mental capacity (unlike Narcos where you have to read the entire show!)
But what about when you are out at a restaurant or on a date night together? I see those couples who are dining together, but individually on their phones and totally judge them. Except 5 minutes later… Sahir asked me about what workout class I booked for Saturday and I immediately pull out my phone to look it up. I pull up my email to read the description, he gets out his phone to head over to their Instagram to see pictures and videos, I get distracted and check my other 500 emails – and within minutes, we became those people.
There should be no shortage of things to talk about, it just takes a cautious effort to engage in conversation. It’s not like you don’t want to ask about your partner’s day, but breaking up the monotony of “How was your day?” -“Good”, “How was yours” -“Good” with detailed questions will allow you to engage in conversations that are interesting and spiral into discussions. Plus, what great practice if you ever decide to have kids! My goal this year is to more present and to do more things that make you forget to check your phone.
So here’s a place to get started. Here are 42 questions that you can ask your partner to spark a deeper connection, new conversations, and general laughter & fun. We all need a little more laughter in our lives, so here goes:
[Note: Some of these questions are light, some are deep, and some are spicy. Enjoy.]
- What activity do you wish you had more time for?
- If you weren’t in your current career, what would you want to be doing?
- What TV show characters are you most like?
- Did you like high school or college better?
- What kind of outfit do you like best on me?
- What was your favorite book growing up?
- What physical characteristic makes someone immediately unattractive?
- Where have you always wanted to travel?
- If you could live in another city right now, which would you choose?
- What do you wish you had invented?
- Which one of your parents are you most like?
- If you could call up one person from your past and apologize, who would it be?
- Who’s your most memorable teacher?
- Who was your first crush?
- What is your greatest talent?
- What do you wish more people asked you about?
- Where do you want to be living in 10 years?
- Did you ever collect things as a child?
- When did you last cry?
- Did you ever get in trouble in middle school?
- What food did you refuse to try when you were younger?
- What is the angriest you’ve ever been?
- Did you ever get really obsessed with a topic?
- What’s the best thing about our relationship?
- Favorite childhood activity?
- Do you think of yourself as an introvert or an extrovert?
- What gift have you given that you are you most proud of?
- Do you believe in God?
- If you had a shop, what would you sell?
- Were you ever bullied?
- What superpower would you have if you were a villain?
- Did you ever want fewer siblings?
- What do you love most about your parents?
- What food reminds you of me?
- What accomplishment are you most proud of?
- How many kids do you want to have?
- Who’s wedding was your favorite to attend?
- What was your favorite subject in middle school?
- What’s your favorite part of my body?
- Did you ever wish I could read your mind?
- If you could go back in time, what age would you be again?
- What makes you know I’m the one for you?
I hope you have fun with this! Get your partner into it by passing the phone back and forth and letting them ask you questions too. I hope your date nights and Tuesday’s at home are fill with interesting conversation and connection.